Thank you. Thank you for your beauty and vulnerability in talking about sex. Your honesty is so refreshing. It gives me hope. As always, I am encouraged and spurred on towards embracing all of what life has to offer by hearing your heart. And, I agree with your friend Stacy Lee who said, “You pushed back darkness with your vulnerability.”
Lately, my heart has been consumed with my boys. Parenting is the hardest thing I have ever done in my life. I know this statement is obvious and cliché, but it is no joke. It is the never ending, never done, never perfect, never a day off task. I do not know how you homeschooled your girls. I can barely survive my weekends of total chaos, of someone always needing something... and they ask ME.
Before I had kids, I had all kinds of opinions, ideas, and thoughts about parenting. But now, some days I consider it a success if we all get in bed alive, together, and no one is mutilated in some way.
A few months ago, I was taking my older boys to soccer practice at a field we spend a lot of time on. Eli (4) was cold and was not so interested in going out to brave the rainy winter weather. But I had to go check the older boys into their soccer camp. So, I gave him my phone, set on his favorite cartoon, and left. (Not a stellar decision...one that I made with a bit of angst in my gut.) I got back to the car about 8 mins later to find the car door open and Eli nowhere to be found. This soccer field is on a very busy four lane road…. I started screaming for him, others joined in, the police were called. Finally, after about 10 mins of looking, an 8-year-old boy found him on the field with his brother. He had gone looking for me because his cartoon wasn’t working. Ugh….
When the police showed up, I explained what had happened. As I got to the part where I had to admit that I left my 4-year-old in the car I felt shame and fear. I said, “It wasn’t a good choice and I won’t do it again.” I was bracing myself the the lecture that I was sure would follow but he was gracious. He said, “next time, call us sooner.” I wasn’t expecting him to say that… There are a lot of things he could have said, but to tell me to ask for help sooner... Well, maybe he was a prophet or an angel sent from God. Because in a lot of ways, learning to ask for help and to ask before I am running on fumes is a lifelong lesson for me.
Learning this lesson has come in so many different shapes and forms. I am hoping this truth is setting deeper and deeper into my bones. Life is hard and we all need help and community.