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"We walk through ourselves, meeting robbers, ghosts, giants, old men, young men, wives, widows, brothers-in-love. But always meeting ourselves." 
James Joyce
Parenting

Parenting

Dear Cynthia,

Thank you.  Thank you for your beauty and vulnerability in talking about sex. Your honesty is so refreshing.  It gives me hope. As always, I am encouraged and spurred on towards embracing all of what life has to offer by hearing your heart. And, I agree with your friend Stacy Lee who said, “You pushed back darkness with your vulnerability.”

Lately, my heart has been consumed with my boys. Parenting is the hardest thing I have ever done in my life.  I know this statement is obvious and cliché, but it is no joke. It is the never ending, never done, never perfect, never a day off task.  I do not know how you homeschooled your girls. I can barely survive my weekends of total chaos, of someone always needing something... and they ask ME.

Before I had kids, I had all kinds of opinions, ideas, and thoughts about parenting.  But now, some days I consider it a success if we all get in bed alive, together, and no one is mutilated in some way.

A few months ago, I was taking my older boys to soccer practice at a field we spend a lot of time on. Eli (4) was cold and was not so interested in going out to brave the rainy winter weather. But I had to go check the older boys into their soccer camp. So, I gave him my phone, set on his favorite cartoon, and left. (Not a stellar decision...one that I made with a bit of angst in my gut.) I got back to the car about 8 mins later to find the car door open and Eli nowhere to be found. This soccer field is on a very busy four lane road…. I started screaming for him, others joined in, the police were called. Finally, after about 10 mins of looking, an 8-year-old boy found him on the field with his brother.  He had gone looking for me because his cartoon wasn’t working. Ugh….

When the police showed up, I explained what had happened.  As I got to the part where I had to admit that I left my 4-year-old in the car I felt shame and fear.  I said, “It wasn’t a good choice and I won’t do it again.” I was bracing myself the the lecture that I was sure would follow but he was gracious. He said, “next time, call us sooner.”  I wasn’t expecting him to say that… There are a lot of things he could have said, but to tell me to ask for help sooner...  Well, maybe he was a prophet or an angel sent from God. Because in a lot of ways, learning to ask for help and to ask before I am running on fumes is a lifelong lesson for me.

Learning this lesson has come in so many different shapes and forms. I am hoping this truth is setting deeper and deeper into my bones. Life is hard and we all need help and community. 

 

 I Understand: A Response to Parenting

I Understand: A Response to Parenting

Redeeming Sex

Redeeming Sex